Whether you realize it or not, your journey on the path of healing will begin immediately after learning you are experiencing a loss. How is this possible you might ask. It is my belief and experience that everything that happens from the moment you have been given this news, you begin grieving. You try to make sense of what is happening. You go numb and your mind races all at once. You begin wondering what could have happened or been done differently. So, what does this have to do with healing?
Everything that happens from the moment you find out about your loss,
and everything that doesn’t happen,
dictates how you will grieve and begin your path to healing.
Let me repeat that…
EVERYTHING that happens and EVERYTHING that does not happen,
from the moment you find out about your loss,
will dictate how you grieve AND how you heal from that point forward.
If you are told there is no heartbeat in a less than compassionate manner; if you are treated as less of a parent or mother; if you have family who places blame on you (either directly or indirectly); if you don’t hold your baby and later wish you had; if you don’t take photos and later wish you had; if you blame yourself for the loss (when there really was nothing you or anyone else could have done); if someone else blames you for the loss (and there was nothing you or anyone else could have done); if…if…if…the endless abyss of the “ifs”. All of this and more may dictate on whom and where you may place blame and/or resentment that may hinder your healing. And that dictates how you are able to move forward in your grief journey.
Not making the decision to do something that you wish you had,
or doing something that were not your wishes but those of someone else...
these have the ability to hinder your healing down the road.
Finding out about options you should have been given and were not, after the fact,
can also hinder your healing and create more room for resentment and blame toward others.
It has been my through my personal experience,
as well as observation of the many women and families I have had the humble opportunity
to support in their time of loss…
regrets almost always center around missed opportunities
and things that were not done and turned down during the time of chaos and shock.
It has been my experience that parents rarely ever regret the things they decided to take part in.
Even the things they thought were different and that initially made them uncertain or uncomfortable,
or things that they had never heard of, seem to be some of their most treasured memories.
Here you will find a list of some of the MANY things you can do before, during and after experiencing a loss to help you make decisions that are right for you and your loved ones in beginning and traveling the path to healing.